Today I'm in a grateful mood, recognizing the beauty God placed around me and inside of me. It's the Godly inspirations given to me through the holy spirit, and those around me, that help me carry through life with passion and vigor.
How wonderful are the inspirations in life, they are all around us and in many forms. In our friends and family, in fashion, in nature, and in words.
Inspirations are the key holders to life...with out them how would we get the vision (the key). And there is no inspiration like God. He's everywhere, created everything.
He's in the sun, the sea, flowers, the clouds, the goodness of one's heart, and though the Holy Spirit a part of us.
This is a great link about Godly inspiration getting it and putting it into action:
I feel like I'm constantly seeking guidance, someone to tell me the right decision, the next move to make. Used to be a parent or a friend. Now waiting on God. Of course we should constantly seek God for direction, eventually there will be times where we have to make our own decisions/choices with wisdom, confidence and faith.
As Christians we use the bible as a tool to help make decisions. For even if our choices are less than satisfying or outcomes are not what we thought; we know that God will work all circumstances in our favor. That's the point...faith allows us the ability to let God work through us, mold us, and take us to a potential that unimaginable or always known in someway.
That's where I'm at in life right now.
I find myself fickle in my decisions because I find myself fearful/uncertain of the outcome. Fearful of failure but more fearful of success
Because of my inability to make these decisions; I'm unable to have the discipline I desire. How are u to have discipline if you are to never make a concrete decisions, but to stay paralyzed in "limbo?"
I believe, once recognized, we see fickleness for what it really is! A disease, sprouting out through big decisions trickling down to...should I eat this or.....this. Leaving you as I mentioned before Paralyzed..........leading to self destruction.
I'm realizing, as I'm in this season of preparation(as I have been calling it), God has positioned me to have internal vision, but also an ability to have permanent correction for those things that I strive to change.
First getting past the initial fickleness stimulated from fear, lack of faith, and confidence.... second seeing through these decisions to my up-most ability.
These past two-three months have been indescribable. Trying to make sense of everything it finally made a complete circle today. I'm fully understanding of where I am being taken, I knew all along, but confirmation of God's word is a wonderful thing.
What seemed like a never-ending storm...unbearable...I knew was a storm that had meaning, purpose, and great blessing after it's passing.
Have you ever went to church and you knew the word being preached was speaking to your life? That was my experience at Raleigh North Christian Center.
I could rewrite the troubles of these past months, the worry of tomorrow, but I am so blessed beyond those things. It's only because of God's grace, because He works all things together in my favor and the Glory of His Kingdom that worry, fear, etc have no weight on me.
Today's sermon was a confirmation that what I have been praying for is in the process of unfolding.
WHEN YOUR IN YOUR STORM...BE NOT AFRAID!
Dr. Jeffery Chapman, Sr
"Random Note: This was a very long sermon...in fact the entire church service is three hours long...and only 5 min. of announcements....most of this time is the sermon."
He took today's word from Matthew 14:25-32....He first started talking about our storms.
And how there are times we go through Personal/Private Storms. How there are times during those storms we feel apart from God, unable to see and feel His presence. But He is always teaching us....especially in that mist of waiting and feeling "alone" ...He is teaching us. It is what we do when we are "alone" that determines how much we learned.
Dr. Chapman said something, I was thinking all week "How do you know you have faith if you never went through something?"
But what took this message on a different level for me was when he talked about the evolving of our storms as our faith grows. How they get harder. How at first, with faith, and prayer, we would stop a storm from even really starting. Some wind, a few drops...but no real thunder and lightening. But when God wants you to find a different type of Glory, take you to a higher level of you purpose and blessings, we have to go through a different type of storm.
The type of storms that thunder, lighting, tree limbs flying, ducking for cover.
Presence: God will reveal Himself to you in the middle of your storm but in a different way. In order to show up in a different way you need to go through a different way. That means making it to and through that thunder and lightening. Until your on that level He will not show up on that level.
Provision: When His presence comes His provision comes too...but just like Peter came down off that boat....we too have to step down, that that "risk." He provided the provision but we have to come off the boat of "safety," "comfort" and GET IT THAT PROVISION! This spoke to me because Peter was the only disciple who came off that boat to meet Jesus, the others weren't ready, they rather stay in the safety net of that boat. One thing I realized is that I have to have faith and GET OFF The BOAT!!! Take steps against fear, and worry into new faith and a new position in my life.
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." 2Cor10:5
Power: We are human we are going to feel fear. We may make take a wrong turn on our journey. But just as Peter began to sink, Jesus was there to save Him. Despite what we do on our journey to fulfill God's purpose for our life, if we make a wrong move, a mistake, a wrong decision God has the power to turn all things to good for those that love Him.
I realized God has everything I need to take that next step, I just have to comedown and get it.
It's been a while since I've put a post up. It's been real busy school work, etc, and etc. It's day 21 and I'm going on strong. 21 days really isn't long, but hey I'm celebrating everyday till my wedding night. For the first fourteen days, I was really relying on my own strength but I'm learning to rely on God.
I've finished reading Revelations for the first time. After reading, worshiping, and praying I realized how magnificent God truly is, and how much I really want to spend my life putting a smile on his face.
After reading Revelations, I first felt fear and utter shock (Awe), I had to let it sink in. That's what I've been doing for these past days, meditating on this book.
After feeling and acting on this strong urge to just praise and worship, it hit me....
Besides showing me how magnificent God is, Revelations showed me just how grand His love is. SERIOUSLY
He found something significant in me when I couldn't. He being so grand, so powerful took time out to complete me, to make me whole. I can't even describe the feeling of gratitude that is in my heart. To completely transform, to find the time, to care so much....it's amazing to me!
I used to smile and laugh to disguise the void that was inside me, the pain (who's origin was undefinable), the lack of knowing my self purpose. I would cry at night to relieve myself from the every day facade. I got so good that, I disguised the feelings even to myself.
Now, when the verse 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." It's no Joke
If you see me crying now a days it's more than likely, I'm in awe of God's grace. I'm so blessed and whole that its surreal.
I wouldn't be able to tell you how it happened. I just wanted something, I wanted this void filled, I new there was more, so I thought, why not try God (I had nothing else to loose). I looked into other religions first because I heard so many bad things about Christianity.
Nothing else seemed right or to fit. Then I thought....I may be a christian but I never REALLY tried it.
From then it was history, God surrounded me with people of Himself to show me the way, to be inspirations. My roommate Jonell, Steve, KeAshia, Erina, Zanfia, and my choir in general. So I kept seeking and haven't stopped.
I can say one thing about me I am persistent!!
I slowly grew closer and closer to God. Now I will only look back to humble myself and to share my testimony.
I have no regrets, I dont miss smoking week, getting drunk, not even sex (not that much) because nothing has ever gave me joy, purpose, and unconditional, ever present love like God!
The first time I learned that we were created only for the glory of God and for His purpose and not our own, (Col. 1:16) (Romans 11:36) my pride came in to play. I can not lie. It made me feel insignificant, as if I was worth nothing, A Pawn!
The reality is we are pawns, or SHEEP, which may be a better term or NOT (Isaiah 53:6)
Let's describe the characteristics of Sheep, well they are considered dim-witted, because they have a strong flocking insitinct and fail to act independiently of one another.
Now for the sheep's sake it's not their fault. Their only means of protection from a predator is banding together in a large flock.
Sadly, Sheep may be better than Humans. They actually follow and listen to their Shepard either through the sound of his/her voice or by recognizing of the face; studies have shown that sheep are able to recognize human faces.
What about Humans?!?John 10 (the Shepard and His flock) a good read We sometimes ignore our Shepard, stray away from the pen, or never walk into the pen.
Thinking we know better, We know what we want, I am my own person! And yes we do have free will, the ability to make our own decisions but Please believe that if your decision and actions are not acting out the will of God, then they are acting out the will of the Enemy, ruler of the world, etc. Johnn 12:31, 2Cor 4:4, Ephesians 2:2......making it a sin?
What is Sin? Someone once told me it was causing harm to another individual; which isn't necessarily wrong but it isn't right.
In the original translation of the bible it means "To miss the mark." The mark being the standard of perfection establish by God and evidenced by Jesus. So lets describe it as disobedience of God's will.......so if we are not acting out God's will but playing into the hand of the World then we are acting in Sin.....dont get it twisted we all Sin, including me. Paul said in Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"
There is no Grey area, its only white or black, and I think the issue comes with accepting the idea that we will Never completly make that mark. That's hard for people to accept so that's why I think we make our own ideas. LIKE this notion that a sin is only the Ten Commandments or sex before marriage is some how better then homosexuality.......REALLY?!?
BUT I much rather strive to complete God's will then to put a smile on the devils face. Because no matter how small or large, from fusing out your neighbor to being an Atheist, anything that takes away from the glory of God is pleasing to the enemy.
We are not our own...we are God's and we are either playing into His hand or that of the Enemy's. We dont even wrestle against our own flesh and blood. Ephesians 6:10-18
This week has been overwhelming! I have gone through nights without sleep before.....but this was the first time I felt tapped out. You know how you go to Disney World (or any amusement park) and your running around having fun. Then at the end of the day....10pm after the last ride...it hits you. You just want to lay on the ground and sleep forget going to your hotel...its warm outside anyway. That's how this week has been for me.
I've missed the blog....especially spiritually....it's something about this that makes me feel free. It's like I'm telling someone personally about my struggles instead of a journal that only I read. Even if no one reads this....their is a chance that someone can. It makes my problems that much easier, because its no long hidden in me becoming a life of its one.
One thing about the enemy...he will get you ashamed or feeling no one can relate...then you feel you have to keep everything to yourself. AND THAT'S THE TRAP (you hide it from God, family, friends....but WE ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH ALONE)
[I really need this blog after watching Valentines Day were every other word was SEX SEX SEX. It's day 10 and my flesh is starting to itch...i hear the voice on my shoulder enticing me.]
I need to start watching Christian movies LOL
Back to the topic of the day: HE'S NOT WORKING AT YOUR PACE
This is something I need to be reminded of, and I think most people, whether walking tall in Christ....or just starting to crawl.
We as people....especially in a society where "time is money and oh so precious" we want everything solved instantly. Right Now....I MEAN RIGHT NOW.
If people wait longer than five minuets for food at McDonald's they are ready to raise hell. (and you know your guilty of that)
BUT GOD IS NOT WORKING AT YOUR PACE (let me say that again) GOD IS NOT WORKING AT YOUR PACE.
I struggle with this fact. More so now because, I'm in the season of my walk where God is starting so slowly reveal to me how HE wants me to help others for His glory.
You dont just find this secret of life (God) and keep it to yourself....as Christians we are called to show and reveal to others the truth.
I was getting frustrated with those around me. Constantly praying (Going deep)-to giving the advice they ask for, but them not applying it and following this same rotation of nothingness.
But I can't dictate when they become solved from their worldly problem's manifested from spiritual ones. Neither can they!
God has to work through us, and mold us from the inside out. Most of the times we don't even know it's happening.
We can't see it, not till the changed has already happened. When we no longer feeling that void and we look back. Then we understand, we can now see the process.
It's so easiy to get weary, so easy! But God is truly molding us for the better good. So be clay! And keep seeking! be patient!
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6
Why? There is one scripture that speaks to my testimony...and I'm sure everyone's testimony.....And that will one day be you!
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40 1-3
I can say that (my praise report) I'm seeing Him work through those around me. It may not be the pace I thought, but it is at the pace HE intended it to be. I'm thankful for that!! Keep Running.
My best friend and I were talking about spiritual fixes and natural fixes (shout out to Charlene.....who has been a root in my life for 10 years)
It's crazy how, as we become stronger in Christ and develop a deeper relationship with God we start to understand and see the spiritual connections with everything that happens to us in the natural.
So much that we can be quick to tell someone how to spiritually fix something (WHICH NEEDS TO HAPPEN) but can be slow to help them naturally fix their issues.
The reality is some people just don't have relationships with God; or their relationship is like that of a third cousin, who you only see once every five years at a family reunion. Those are the ones who need both a spiritual and natural fix because the only see the natural (for right now).
I've been asked about 'Peace' every now and then. "I admire your peace, I need that!" And I look at them like their crazy. Especially when it comes from my sisters, cuz I'm striving to be more like them.
When it come to my friends that seek advice, I'm quick to give this long spiritual answer quoting Romans 8:5-6 and etc. Which is REAL; you don't make 'Peace' just drop in you lap. Its a gift grated by God.
But, I'm seeing that to find peace you have to fix the issues in your natural and become stronger spiritually. OK an example:
1. You can have issues with insecurities, self worth, past pains, etc and this can manifest into natural issues. You only notice the natural issues: a new smoking habit, a very unhealthy drinking habit, casual sex, etc.
You say : "I'm just having fun. "I'm in a new phase in my life I need to let loose!" (Whatever) But in actuality YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T YOU! By society terms; heck yeah, your good. Your a young 20 something doing you, experimenting. But deep down this isn't you and you know it.
So to combat this you need to fix the natural and spiritual issues. Sure, you can only focus on the natural issues, like stop drinking for a while and etc.
But to find True PEACE you have to not only conquer your issues in the natural but, you also have to STRIP down to the CORE OF YOU and recognize and conquer the issues you didn't even know were there.
The insecurities, the past hurts caused by mothers, fathers, cousins, bothers, etc. The things that should have never happened to you, or the thoughts that should have never entered your mind. But they did and Never Left!!!
THAT IS WHY IT IS SOOOO IMPORTANT for you to be strong spiritually because the natural issues are just the beginning. It's the appetizer and you haven't even gotten to the main course.
And the Desert, that's the constant struggles of a Christian. The enemy trying to get you back to that point where you didn't ever know what 'Peace' or a relationship with God was.
Romans 8:5-6 "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."
This is my story...my life....of a young Christian struggling to maintain celibacy, chasing the path God has created for me and running from temptation. Sometimes I fall, many times I conquer, but every time God has proven to be a closer companion than I could have ever imagined.
He's in the sun, the sea, flowers, the clouds, the goodness of one's heart, and though the Holy Spirit a part of us.
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