Day 14: you are not your own

The first time I learned that we were created only for the glory of God and for His purpose and not our own, (Col. 1:16) (Romans 11:36) my pride came in to play. I can not lie. It made me feel insignificant, as if I was worth nothing, A Pawn!

The reality is we are pawns, or SHEEP, which may be a better term or NOT (Isaiah 53:6)

Let's describe the characteristics of Sheep, well they are considered dim-witted, because they have a strong flocking insitinct and fail to act independiently of one another.

Now for the sheep's sake it's not their fault. Their only means of protection from a predator is banding together in a large flock.

Sadly, Sheep may be better than Humans. They actually follow and listen to their Shepard either through the sound of his/her voice or by recognizing of the face; studies have shown that sheep are able to recognize human faces.

What about Humans?!? John 10 (the Shepard and His flock) a good read
We sometimes ignore our Shepard, stray away from the pen, or never walk into the pen.

Thinking we know better, We know what we want, I am my own person!
And yes we do have free will, the ability to make our own decisions but Please believe that if your decision and actions are not acting out the will of God, then they are acting out the will of the Enemy, ruler of the world, etc. Johnn 12:31, 2Cor 4:4, Ephesians 2:2......making it a sin?

What is Sin?
Someone once told me it was causing harm to another individual; which isn't necessarily wrong but it isn't right.

In the original translation of the bible it means "To miss the mark." The mark being the standard of perfection establish by God and evidenced by Jesus. So lets describe it as disobedience of God's will.......so if we are not acting out God's will but playing into the hand of the World then we are acting in Sin.....dont get it twisted we all Sin, including me. Paul said in Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

There is no Grey area, its only white or black, and I think the issue comes with accepting the idea that we will Never completly make that mark. That's hard for people to accept so that's why I think we make our own ideas. LIKE this notion that a sin is only the Ten Commandments or sex before marriage is some how better then homosexuality.......REALLY?!?

BUT I much rather strive to complete God's will then to put a smile on the devils face. Because no matter how small or large, from fusing out your neighbor to being an Atheist, anything that takes away from the glory of God is pleasing to the enemy.

We are not our own...we are God's and we are either playing into His hand or that of the Enemy's. We dont even wrestle against our own flesh and blood. Ephesians 6:10-18


My thoughts of the day.....


(a song for the enemy)

Day 10: He's not working at YOUR pace

This week has been overwhelming! I have gone through nights without sleep before.....but this was the first time I felt tapped out. You know how you go to Disney World (or any amusement park) and your running around having fun. Then at the end of the day....10pm after the last ride...it hits you. You just want to lay on the ground and sleep forget going to your hotel...its warm outside anyway. That's how this week has been for me.

I've missed the blog....especially spiritually....it's something about this that makes me feel free. It's like I'm telling someone personally about my struggles instead of a journal that only I read. Even if no one reads this....their is a chance that someone can. It makes my problems that much easier, because its no long hidden in me becoming a life of its one.

One thing about the enemy...he will get you ashamed or feeling no one can relate...then you feel you have to keep everything to yourself. AND THAT'S THE TRAP (you hide it from God, family, friends....but WE ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH ALONE)

[I really need this blog after watching Valentines Day were every other word was SEX SEX SEX. It's day 10 and my flesh is starting to itch...i hear the voice on my shoulder enticing me.]

I need to start watching Christian movies LOL



Back to the topic of the day: HE'S NOT WORKING AT YOUR PACE

This is something I need to be reminded of, and I think most people, whether walking tall in Christ....or just starting to crawl.

We as people....especially in a society where "time is money and oh so precious" we want everything solved instantly. Right Now....I MEAN RIGHT NOW.

If people wait longer than five minuets for food at McDonald's they are ready to raise hell. (and you know your guilty of that)

BUT GOD IS NOT WORKING AT YOUR PACE (let me say that again) GOD IS NOT WORKING AT YOUR PACE.


I struggle with this fact. More so now because, I'm in the season of my walk where God is starting so slowly reveal to me how HE wants me to help others for His glory.

You dont just find this secret of life (God) and keep it to yourself....as Christians we are called to show and reveal to others the truth.

I was getting frustrated with those around me. Constantly praying (Going deep)-to giving the advice they ask for, but them not applying it and following this same rotation of nothingness.

But I can't dictate when they become solved from their worldly problem's manifested from spiritual ones. Neither can they!

God has to work through us, and mold us from the inside out. Most of the times we don't even know it's happening.

We can't see it, not till the changed has already happened. When we no longer feeling that void and we look back. Then we understand, we can now see the process.

It's so easiy to get weary, so easy! But God is truly molding us for the better good. So be clay! And keep seeking! be patient!

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6

Why? There is one scripture that speaks to my testimony...and I'm sure everyone's testimony.....And that will one day be you!

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40 1-3

I can say that (my praise report) I'm seeing Him work through those around me. It may not be the pace I thought, but it is at the pace HE intended it to be. I'm thankful for that!! Keep Running.

Day 6: Running to Peace: Spiritually & Naturally

My best friend and I were talking about spiritual fixes and natural fixes
(shout out to Charlene.....who has been a root in my life for 10 years)

It's crazy how, as we become stronger in Christ and develop a deeper relationship with God we start to understand and see the spiritual connections with everything that happens to us in the natural.

So much that we can be quick to tell someone how to spiritually fix something (WHICH NEEDS TO HAPPEN) but can be slow to help them naturally fix their issues.

The reality is some people just don't have relationships with God; or their relationship is like that of a third cousin, who you only see once every five years at a family reunion. Those are the ones who need both a spiritual and natural fix because the only see the natural (for right now).


I've been asked about 'Peace' every now and then. "I admire your peace, I need that!" And I look at them like their crazy. Especially when it comes from my sisters, cuz I'm striving to be more like them.

When it come to my friends that seek advice, I'm quick to give this long spiritual answer quoting Romans 8:5-6 and etc. Which is REAL; you don't make 'Peace' just drop in you lap. Its a gift grated by God.



But, I'm seeing that to find peace you have to fix the issues in your natural and become stronger spiritually. OK an example:


1. You can have issues with insecurities, self worth, past pains, etc and this can manifest into natural issues. You only notice the natural issues: a new smoking habit, a very unhealthy drinking habit, casual sex, etc.

You say : "I'm just having fun. "I'm in a new phase in my life I need to let loose!" (Whatever)
But in actuality YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T YOU!
By society terms; heck yeah, your good. Your a young 20 something doing you, experimenting. But deep down this isn't you and you know it.

So to combat this you need to fix the natural and spiritual issues. Sure, you can only focus on the natural issues, like stop drinking for a while and etc.

But to find True PEACE you have to not only conquer your issues in the natural but, you also have to STRIP down to the CORE OF YOU and recognize and conquer the issues you didn't even know were there.

The insecurities, the past hurts caused by mothers, fathers, cousins, bothers, etc. The things that should have never happened to you, or the thoughts that should have never entered your mind. But they did and Never Left!!!

THAT IS WHY IT IS SOOOO IMPORTANT for you to be strong spiritually because the natural issues are just the beginning. It's the appetizer and you haven't even gotten to the main course.

And the Desert, that's the constant struggles of a Christian. The enemy trying to get you back to that point where you didn't ever know what 'Peace' or a relationship with God was.

Romans 8:5-6 "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."

(a song for you)

Day 4: Post Valentines Day

Valentines day has come and gone, and I will say it wasn't what I totally expected.

Valentines day is overrated completely but I love the day nonetheless. I look forward to when our society doesn't make Valentines day into this event where you have to buy expensive jewelry, go out to over priced restaurants, buy stuffed animals the size of Golden Retrievers that I say I love you for a boyfriend or girlfriend, and make others that are without feel less than. Like somethings wrong with those who don't have a romantic relationship.

The worse thing about it is, most people don't even know what Love is....if you don't know God's love you don't love. I'm sorry but you don't. He invented it, is the essence of it, and in my opinion the only one who can give it the way it's supposed to be given.

Valentines day should be about friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, line sisters, line bothers, husbands, wives, and children. It should be a time where you have a huge event/party inviting everyone that means something to you life.

In fact I'm done conforming to society....this is my second Valentines day with a boyfriend (and i wont lie neither been a fairytale dreams by far) and this is the second time I made it all about him....when it was never like that before.

From now on, I'm having Valentines Day Parties inviting everyone that mean something in my life, everyone who has touched me and made me feel special in someway.

And in my case, I have a hard time letting people in, so for those who I have....they mean more to me than they will ever know.


Well back to my Valentines Day....and the point of this entry. Why was yesterday special--God. Who never fails to disappoint me. It was at Chapel yesterday, with my Lovely Sisters and through the sermon of Rev. Dr. John Kinney, that God gave me a message He has been trying to give me for a while. I knew it was going to be a message for me because I woke up mad late that morning and said "I don't think I'm going to Call to Chapel, its too late" and everything stopped inside of me and said "you have to go"

What was I reminded....that God has a purpose and plan for me and my life, and if He says that this is what I'm going to do...then I can do it because He said it would come to pass.

See Dr. Rev. John Kinney read Jeremiah 1:4-8 "the word of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations' 'Ah Sovereign Lord,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak; I am only a child. But the Lord said to me, 'Do not say, I am only a child. you must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you.' Declares the Lord."


His sermon made me realize that I am just like Jeremiah or Moses and etc and etc. I'm not saying I'm going to lead nations LOL far from it. But when God has been showing me what He wants from me...I answer...."I'm not a strong enough woman of God...not yet." "I can't help other out of their depression, and insecurities...not yet...let me get this being with out sin thing down pact first." WRONG

God can transform you in ways you never even knew....so when you think your not good enough or not ready your WRONG! Because God wants you right now at that moment. Not for what you are....or have been....but because what He is going to make you into. Remember that!!! I have to remember that!!!!

He has a divine purpose for our lives and it will come to pass if we just trust Him.

and that's my valentines day story!

(and a song for u all)

Day 2: Seeking Him

It is day 2 of officially being celibate and of starting this blog. Of course day 2 is easy, but I haven't even told my boyfriend about this blog yet. That should be interesting.

I woke up 3am this morning, with this idea of "Seeking God" on my heart. I'm in a middle of a fast and of course during this time of sacrifice I'm spending even more time with God.

Then, I thought about my friends that wouldn't be able to relate to this because they don't understand this concept of actively seeking and connecting with God.

I have plenty of friends, sisters, and bothers that already have strong, admirable relationships with God.

Yet, I have friends who don't. Friends who are curious, or better still starting to feel that everlasting tug, on the rope that God has tied around our souls, pulling and longing for us to get closer to Him.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself of what I need to do to be consistent in this walk...no matter how long you have been a Christian, we all know we have to constantly seek God.

Why?

Because the enemy is just waiting, with one eye always open, to seep in, take over and destroy. No matter how...in my case it's temptation. "You can stay over his house tonight, why not?"

or it could be "Why not go to this one party?" "Why not have just one drink?" Knowing full well you don't know when to stop drinking in the first place.

or "I can go to church next Sunday." "I can read my bible tomorrow."

I can go on and on with these examples, because I have seen, not only myself, but those around me fall victim to this trap.

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast" 1Peter 5:8-10.

Seeking God is like Training for a Marathon

1. Prayer: There are so many reasons why we pray. We talk to God through prayer, we connect with Him, and understand His will. It's how we stay in our father's will and obtain the solutions to our situations. We are commanded to pray. (Philippians 4:6-7) I read that for a Christian, praying is like breathing...and it really is!

2. STAY IN YOUR WORD: How are you to know how to live a righteous life, obtain peace, and work for the Kingdom if your are not following the manual. This isn't your new Blackberry you actually have to read this manual OVER AND OVER AND OVER!

3. Church: The Bride of Christ.(Ephesians 5:21-33) Yes you have to attend Church. I can't say it any better than this site

"Christ as the “head” and the church as the “body.” 1 Corinthians chapter 12 further explains how the church (the body) is made up of individuals who work together, pooling their talents, skills, and strengths—all for the purpose of helping as many people as possible get right with God and grow closer to Him. To refuse to be a part of the body is to say that we do not want to follow God’s plan. In a sense, such people believe that by acting on their own that they have a better plan than God does. There is a lot of arrogance in such thinking."
(There is song about everything now a days):

4. Bible Study: sometimes Church every Sunday isn't enough to learn how to apply this manual to our everyday lives. I strongly encourage everyone to regularly attend a bible study. The more we receive and dissect the word the better.

5. Christian Music: I'm not saying you can never listen to secular music...I love some Erykah Badu. But if you a music head like me and it reflects who you are and your emotions it probably affects you the other way around also. Monkey see Monkey do...if your listening to it all the time...your more likely to do it. I challenge everyone to go three weeks without listening to secular music. There is Christian music for everyone's taste now a days, rock, hip-hop, r&b, jazz ect. Just google it, and when you find an artist up your alley....Pandora it.

6. Personal Devotions: There is nothing like writing out your issues, concerns, and etc, finding scriptural references about it and meditating on it. Sometimes you can do a scripture a day sometimes you may be on a scripture for a week or a month. Its a great way of not just seeking God but your inner self as well.

7. PRAYER



side note: As i stated I'm a huge music head and I love this song. I wanted to share:(low key how many times have we seen a mother handle her child like that CRAZY!)

Welcome: Day 1

I've been in this relationship with God since my freshman year of college. I say relationship because I have considered myself a Christian before, I have went to church occasionally before, but I had not actively tried seek God before that time. I wasn't applying the principles of the bible to my life or constantly praying.

It wasn't until my world outside started to reflect how I felt within, broken and confused, that I gave God a chance.

I can now see how that all goes back to His grace. "But he said to me. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me" 2Corinthians 12:9.

It was my freshman year that I realized, no matter how perfect and planned my life seemed on the outside.... an overachiever in school, community awards, and a bright bubbly smile.... I couldn't mask how I felt on the inside. So from that day, I strove to find the peace that I so badly wanted through God.

And no doubt about it.... everything I heard all these Christians talking about was actually true. It is because of His grace, that He took a hold of me and has been molding me like clay ever since.


About Four years later, God has brought me through the pain of the past. I will never go back, but only strive to complete His will.

Unfortunately, a Christian's struggle is never over, it only gets harder, and I have fallen and gotten back up and fallen and gotten back up. I'm tired of falling. He may know my heart, but when is God going to know me by my actions.

It is February 12 2010 and I struggle with celibacy. This has been the thorn in my flesh for a year and half now AND I'M SICK OF IT!

I am in the first romantic relationship of my life and he is wonderful. Yet, I can't continue to compromise God's will for my own. I'm over backsliding and feeling ashamed; I'm over my disobedience!

So, the start of this blog is Day One of me officially waiting for marriage.

I am nervous, because I know my flesh and I don't trust myself. (There is a good song about our flesh Lecrae "trust myself" check it out below)


But I am confident because I know my God is greater. Lets GO!!!!